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.I won't even tell you how long because you won't believe it. I don't even believe it and I was there!I wasn't a total dud or a nun. I did go on dates and was living a pretty decent life. My dates were only guys in my church who had the same beliefs. So essentially we avoided pretty much any situation that could offer TEMPTATION. I had gotten serious a couple of times and nothing worked out with each guy leaving the church life in turn. So I essentially went a long time not even KISSING anyone. I survived by what I called my two “Na'tions” – my imaginaTION and good old masturbaTION. But even that was a little tainted as my church believed that even masturbation was wrong. So when I did it I had to make it good because it would have to last until my next “weak” moment.But let's go back to my meeting with Brian. He was not religious in any way, a plus because I didn't want judgment. We talked over the phone a few times. And had nearly met a couple of times before. Now finally we were. ‘I had my reasons for not contacting you. You had him to fall back on.’ There was sadness in his eyes, and she could see jealousy in them also. ‘You were more than any of those things to me,’ he continued. ‘I loved you,’ he paused and looked her in the eyes, ‘and I still do.’ It was her turn to be shocked. That was one thing she definitely wasn’t expecting, and she had a feeling it wasn’t true. If he really had loved her, why would he have treated her like shit? And he did. Even though while they were together she convinced herself she was happy, she wasn’t fully happy. She didn’t realize how often he had lied to her until after they broke up. She wouldn’t let him wrap her around his finger again, she knew better. He pulled her up. ‘You can’t tell me you don’t feel anything between us.’ ‘No, I don’t. I lost every feeling I felt for you other than hate and disgust.’ She tried to pull away, but he kept her near him. ‘Then prove it. Prove there’s no spark left.’ ‘And how am I supposed.
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